Beneath the Planet of the Apes

Even by Charlton Heston standards Charlton Heston is too Charlton Heston in Beneath the Planet of the Apes.

And I wonder if any tourists showed up at Red Rock on the day of the shoot and saw that regiment of apes marching around? What did they think? Uh oh, the Manson Family? And Red Rock wa a popular place for hippies to go tripping. Imagine that psychedelic experience. And the sky was all pink and green and the rocks were all red and purple and there were columns of apes grunting and waving guns around. Far freaking out. I’ll have what he’s having.

Actually I thought there were hockey games all day today. Nope. Not on Superbowl Sunday. I forgot this is America, not Canada. So instead Fyl’s watching these execrable Planet of the Apes movies. She loves these movies. I knew that when I married her. I figured she’d grow out of it. She never did. God damn it all to hell.

I’ve always wanted to use that word “execrable”. I learned it from a Jack Benny show. It was a running gag. Did you know execrable means lousy?, Jack asks the audience. I didn’t. Mel Blanc used it later. He was robbing Jack’s house. I think Bob Crosby used it too, before singing one of his execrable songs. No Bing he, Bob. Had a great band though.

Now James Gregory’s going bonkers killing everybody, sounding like Inspector Luger in an ape suit. This is soooo pre-Dian Fossey.

Charlton Heston just Charlton Heston’d “you ape bastard!” and pressed the button and the phallic god bomb exploded. James Gregory, Victor Buono and the whole simian planet just vaporized. Poof. I thought that meant the end of the series but nope, here’s another. Apes coming out of a space capsule. Goddamn it all to hell, this is execrable.

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